It’s Funny Because It’s True

 

or

Don’t F*&! With Darrin

a little story to amuse you until the tide comes in…

Darrin and I have been friends since we were seven.

He expressed his affection for me by offering to marry me when we were in the First Grade everyday at morning recess- in front of my friends and the sixth graders and on his knees.

My answer was to tie him to the tether-ball pole and to leave him there until recess was over.

In the Second Grade Darrin used to draw hearts on my desk- in magic marker.

I used to beat him up for that because darn it, that ink would NOT come off and for some reason the teacher who thought this situation was ‘too cute for words’ ( as he told my Mom ) couldn’t ‘find’ another desk.

And then part way through the third grade it occurred to me to just ignore Darrin.

That went on for weeks until one day I’m in my room- and there’s a knock on the living room door and I hear it open and I hear

Crying

It’s Darrin and he’s there with his Mom and they’re talking and my Mom and when I went out there all I could say was

” I haven’t touched that Cootie..I hate that Cootie…he BUGS me.”

I thought I was pretty darn funny.

My Mom is not amused.

 Friends and neighbors she doesn’t even blink – I don’t think she was even breathing- she was MAD.

So my Mom asks Darrin what I did ( I was tried and convicted on the spot- my Mom does not screw with due process ) and that little Cootie- Head says

” Anita hates me…she won’t talk to me anymore.”

Not only did my Mom take away my bike, she took away my record player-

just for making Darrin cry.

So at a very young age I learned…

Don’t mess with Darrin

I ‘ve lived by that for over 35 years now.

So a couple of years ago I get this e-mail from Darrin.

We’re both Doctor Who fans and while Darrin was  in the U.K.  a few years ago he saw the actor who was to become the new Doctor on the TV.

Here’s what he said,

” His name is David Tennant and do you know what Anita? I never thought I’d say this becuase I didn’t think it could ever be true- but there is someone out there who is far more prettier then you are.”

So I google David Tennant take a good look and fire back this e-mail

” Dear Cootie Maestro,

When the Master shows up he’s totally going to make this guy his Bitch.”

Darrin sent a copy of that to my Mom- who couldn’t punish me but it should be noted that for Christmas that year she didn’t give me her traditional gift of Cherry Cordials ( the mint ones ).

Even from his Grandmother’s house on the other side of the world Darrin got me busted.

God!

 So for a couple of YEARS I have bit my lip everytime Darrin starts talking about

and I quote

” Doctor Whoa Baby Tennant “

It was all good until a few months ago when I called Doctor Who a floozy- well for god-sakes it was a comment section and how was I supposed to know people who don’t comment ( LIKE YOU DARRIN ) read those things-

Anyway, Darrin sees it…

so he says it’s my choice-

I give up blog space to Doctor Whoa Baby or he tells about the time I….

well-

anyway 

he’ll do it.

And how long will I have to do this for?

Until I die.

Like I said Don’t F*&^ with Darrin.

But don’t worry Darrin… Mon Petit Insecte…

Vengence will be mine.

One day my Mom will NOT be around to protect you…

and for now

 I have blogs.

Lots and Lots of them.

And people LIKE to read about us.

Your Friend

for life

a.m.