Eldorado Nugget

I finally left the cavern with the beautiful and peaceful pool. It would have been so easy to stay within the comfort of that cavern and forget my purpose except for the fact that my dreams at night were becoming more desperate.

I saw images of someone (probably me) wandering lost through long dark passages. Images of someone (probably me again) holding their head as if it would explode at any moment. These were images I couldn’t ignore for long because during my waking hours, whenever I looked into the pool, I would see them there too.

I was being told something and there was no mystery to its meaning. I needed to move on through the mine, complete the journey and come out the other end a more rounded character. My thoughts turned to Oliver and Beatrix often during this time and I was suddenly suspicious of the dreams and images in the pool. I thought I was safe from their eyes whilst in the cavern but apparently not. But they always seemed to have my best interests at heart and they had never wanted me to sell myself short. So I had to keep moving on.

I kept walking and suddenly my dreams were coming true before my eyes. The passageways and tunnels were very dark but there were parts of the walls that glowed and pulsed like a heartbeat when I touched them. I did not remember this from the dreams but whoever said that dreams were the truth? Surprisingly, the pulsing reassured me even though at first I was scared. I had thoughts of the mine being alive and any minute now it would close its walls and squeeze the life out of me. But the rhythm of the pulse was soothing and the walls gave me warmth when I touched the lightest parts. Maybe the mine wasn’t the obstacle course I had always imagined. Maybe it was on my side. Maybe it was supposed to help me on my journey.

Eventually, I reached an intersection and in the middle of it, there stood an altar. The air was fresher here as well and it reminded me of being by the pool. On the altar rested a large book as thick as my thigh and probably as heavy as a door. As I moved closer the pages of the book seemed to reflect light from somewhere. I looked up and saw that there was a circular opening in the ceiling of the mine and I could see the sky above. It was night outside and the moon seemed to be directly overhead keeping the stars company in the sky.

I looked back down to the book and gasped as I realised that the pages were made of thin mirrors mounted on thick paper, somehow bound intricately together to form a Book of Mirrors. I kept turning pages and they all seemed to be mirrors. No writing, no artwork, nothing but mirrors. I didn’t understand it and I leaned forward to look at myself maybe hoping to see someone or something else. I saw almost what I expected. Dirty skin, a mop of curly, messy hair on my head, eyes that looked tired and a mouth that looked hungry and thirsty. My brow was furrowed in confusion. And then words appeared on the mirror I was looking into.

WHERE IS MY ELDORADO?

I was even more confused now. I had some notion of what Eldorado meant but where was who’s Eldorado? Mine? Someone else’s? The book’s?

Not being able to think of anything else to do and having used this method before, I closed my eyes and relaxed, seeking the answer within. I have no idea how long I stood there meditating but when I opened my eyes, I felt less tired and my head was clearer. As I looked into the mirror again, the words were still there and I read them aloud this time.

“Where is my Eldorado?”

This is answer that came to me:

Eldorado

A place, a time, a person, a thing?

Any and all

Searching forever and never finding

Looking in the wrong place

Not asking and listening

Not being quiet and still

Be quiet and still

Ask and listen

It is often inside yourself

What you desire and seek

From the outside

But outside things do not change

Unless you change within

My Eldorado is sleeping

Deep in my soul

It is where the real me lies

Waiting for when I have the courage

To give up the fake me

And be true to myself

When I can look in the mirror and not feel guilt

And anger

And resentment

And sorrow

But peace

And calm

And hope

And love

Where is my Eldorado?

Within myself

by Soultide