No Turning Back

With all the pressure to ‘dig deeper’ I decided it was time to leave. I planned on retrieving Mule, setting off back the way I came and finding some way back through the portal. I congratulated myself on getting this far, but who was I kidding thinking I could go into a mine, find what I’m looking for and make it back out again? That’s not the way life works, I thought, plus I didn’t even know what I’m supposed to be looking for.

I got up from the chair, wishing I could just sleep for days, and headed towards the door. I didn’t bother looking at Beatrix and Oliver. I didn’t want to know what they thought of me. As I reached for the door knob Beatrix spoke, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

“Do what?” I said without turning around.

“Whatever it is that’s in your mind to do. Are you trying to run away? Hide? Magic yourself home? It won’t work.”

She sounded so smug that I got angry. I spun around to face them and was met with more pleasant smiles. It infuriated me more.

“Look, you two! I didn’t ask to come here! I was practically pushed through that portal and there I was, travelling for two whole days to get here and then I’m told about some deep dark mine that I’m supposed to go in and find something and that I should dig deeper! None of it makes sense! I don’t know what I’m doing here and now I want to leave! Why are you trying to stop me?!” I was practically stamping my feet in fury.

Beatrix and Oliver looked at me calmly but the smiles were gone. I felt momentarily triumphant about this until I realised that they were looking at me as if I was a spoilt child having a tantrum.

I backed away as Oliver stood up and walked towards me. My back hit the door just as he held me by my shoulders. He looked into my eyes deeply and said “We can’t stop you from leaving, Soultide but you know in your heart that you are talented enough to go on and finish this journey. We know that without knowing you properly, so why don’t you know that about yourself?” I swallowed loudly and he let go of my shoulders but didn’t move away. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at me in that ’specimen’ way again. Beatrix shifted in her chair but Oliver’s eyes were mesmerising me.

“I…,” I said

“If you walk out of that door,” Oliver said seriously, “you’ll have left a part of yourself undiscovered. You’ll have let yourself down and then wonder what could have been for the rest of your life. I know you’re scared of not knowing what’s to come but there are times when you have to believe in yourself and your ability to survive anything that life throws at you. Don’t you want to grow? How are you gonna do that without new experiences? You’re not alone Soultide. I think you already know that others are with you on this journey, they just happen to be taking different paths. You have us, you have Enchanteur and yourself. There’s nothing more you really need.”

Oliver gave me one last, meaningful look and went back to sit down beside Beatrix, who was looking at me intently. I was moved by Oliver’s words but fear still clutched my heart. Everything will be better if I could just get back home. I turned and opened the door, determined to run as fast as I could back to the portal and home.

Unfortunately Enchanteur was there to ruin my cowardly plans.

There was a tiger sitting on the doorstep looking up at me. A large, beautiful tiger with hard, glinting eyes. My mouth was open so wide, I could feel air rushing down my throat. I took several steps back and almost fell over my feet. Enchanteur (for who else could this tiger be?) licked her paw languidly and said, “Where do you think you’re going?”

I gather what little courage I have left and manage to slam the door closed on that frightful sight. I am now well and truly being forced to face the dreaded alternative. Knowing that if I tried to run, Enchanteur would pursue me by day and haunt my dreams at night, I now had only one option. Stay here with Oliver and Beatrix, learn as much as I can and then go into the Alluvial Mine. I collapsed on the floor in exhaustion.

by Soultide