Going up??

I was surprised at the number of open chambers and meeting rooms way down ‘neath the surface — and I haven’t even reached a digging point yet. I was even more surprised to stumble across a class for ascention want-a-be’s, though ascending is the only way to return home — forget any transcendental stuff. I evesdropped a bit — attracted by the sign identifying the moderator as one

“Swami Inflictus of the Ascension Oracles School of Bio-Sophistry.”

He was fielding questions from the class …

QUESTION: Do I have to verify having had a precious life before I can get on with another, future one?

There is nothing like the present, my child, from which to launch your Ascension. After all, what you remember of tomorrow can hardly be worse that what you forget of yesterday.

QUESTION: I tend to be crabby and mean spirited in my dealings with others. When I have Ascended will that change automatically, or is there some ritual to go through?

What you describe is not a state of being, but of choices that you make. Ascension is all about choices too. When you choose to be nice to others and kind by nature you may discover that you have already ascended. If you enjoy inflicting misery on others why are you looking to change anyway?

QUESTION: Several friends who are very into Ascension talk about quickening vibrations and reaching new heights of transcendence. Is your school a sex clinic?

It might be said that intense communication from a position of love is sexual, but Ascension isn’t about “getting it up”, though some protection may be required for those will poor spiritual hygiene.

QUESTION: Is the Ascension process anything like a Twelve Step Program?

Well, they both require a lot of faith, and one deals with coming to grips with what you were and the other being comfortable with what you can be — you choose which.

QUESTION: I can’t channel with any former lives. So if I Ascend and can’t remember this life now, how will I gauge if I am better off?

You chose this Agreement, and are now trying to get out of it. Don’t try asking for a refund too. Caveat emptor always applies, especially if you are expecting a prize in the box.

QUESTION: I was going to buy a book on Ascension but one review said something about “The Emperor’s New Clothes.” Do you know what that means?

If he was speaking about religious beliefs I would say Ascension is “clothing optional” — other than that nothing is apparent.

QUESTION: Some thoughts I’ve read on Ascension seem “half-baked”, while others are very over-done. I can’t even figure out if the process is an hors oeuvres or a desert.

It is more of a main-course, and plan on pot-luck instead of a banquet, with you bringing more that you expect to receive. A well stirred life-stew might work if seasoned with enough compassion.

QUESTION: Can I do this ascension thing part-time? I am an attorney and have trouble thinking of spirituality when working with crooks and perverts all day. Maybe Monday night after football I can set aside a couple of hours.

I am at a loss for words — one essential criterion for starting ascension is to be human first.

QUESTION: Is achieving Ascension an either-or proposition, or can we rely on probabilities? Out of a dozen want-a-be’s, how many are likely to find a new spiritual level without dying first? Does trying here help your chances later on?

For any sizeable population, the chance of achieving Ascension is directly proportional to your congruency coefficient of ‘doing the work’, and inversely proportional to the time you have spent in any organized religion, with a credibility level of your age minus years in government service. Of course this assumes a bell curve distribution of reciprocal charity — also known as the ‘ding-dong’ effect.

……………………………………………

I figured it was time to move on

faucon